How to love them if you hate people

Are you an introvert?
Most writers are, but writing character is a therapy for that.

It’s true. The thing you love most (I hope you DO love writing) can help you overcome the fear and unease of people.

If you’re not part of the unlucky group, it also comes with a prize: the difficulty to do your job. It includes a lot of sitting on your own, staring at a screen – a nightmare for extroverts.

Let’s dive into the topic and see how to start loving (real and fictitious) people.


I’m an introvert. I enjoy the silent and lonely writing time, but it comes with another curse: people are a problem for me.

I have gotten so much better compared to 10 or 15 years ago. Back then, I could sit hours and hours on my own, spending the whole day on reading books or writing them. Today, thankfully, I do miss company and like to get out at least once a day to breathe fresh air AND be with people.

Still, while extroverts derive their energy from being around people, I get tired. More often than not, people tend to annoy and perplex me.

Writing can be a cure for that if you do it right.


Why you need to like people

Many new writers make the mistake of projecting themselves into all the major characters in their story (maybe except for the villain). This exemplifies a narrow worldview and ignorance we introverts often immerse ourselves into.

The result: all characters act and sound like you.
They get boring and unrelatable.

To write multifaceted characters we need to study people. More then that – we need to understand them. We need to sympathize with them even if they are entirely different from us.

And let’s be honest: We don’t want that. Because essentially, we don’t like people.

Here are some approaches that will help you
– write deeper and more multifaceted characters
– love your characters and understand them
– finally start to love the people around you


1. Study psychology and character archetypes

This one is easy, because it still keeps you in the safety and coziness of your room. And because writers love reading.

Just recently, I read a fantastic book that helped me reshape my characters in the second draft: “45 Master Characters: Mythic Models for Creating Original Characters” by Victoria Lynn Schmidt.

It introduces eight female and eight male character archetypes derived from the Greek mythology, along with the villainous sides that might emerge.

This knowledge is such a help when it comes to shaping your primary and secondary characters and giving them motivation, a mission, quirks, and problems that go beyond the superficial level of the first draft.

“In using archetypes, the essence of your character is narrowed down so she jumps off the page at the reader instead of blending in with all the other characters.” – V.L. Schmidt

I recommend reading only one or two books on the character journey, for example:
“The Writer’s Journey” by Christopher Vogler
“Creating Character Arcs: The Masterful Author’s Guide to Uniting Story Structure” by K.M. Weiland

The rest should be about psychology, character types and archetypes. Why? Because this gives you ideas of how to create multifaceted characters and enrich them. There are many theories on character types, several also depending on genre. Study them and you’ll start discover yourself inside of those stereotypes, and also the people around you. This leads us to step 2.


2. Make a habit of observing the people surrounding you

This one is especially interesting when it comes to behavior.

Your reader is interested in prominent details:
How does she wrinkle her nose? In what way does he style his hair? How does her body language mirror that she is nervous, happy, sad? Do his eyes roll a little every time he hears a certain sentence?

Plan to observe the people you interact with today deliberately. Or sit down for a coffee and watch the people around you.

A great writing exercise:
Sit down in a café and pick several people. Describe them in three to four sentences, trying to pick interesting and exceptional details. Give them a name. Provide them with a story.
Why are they here? Where are they going? What is their motivation? Try to interpret their quirks and their gestures, maybe their phone calls or books in a way that you can give them a story arc.

Once the careful observation becomes a habit, it will make you more sensitive to people’s reactions. On the surface, we give away more than we intend to. This habit will also help you fill your blanks and make you character descriptions more lively and more creative.


3. Take time to speak to people, and learn what makes them tick and who they are

This one is tough. But once you’ve managed step 1 and 2, it will get easier.

With the first people, you’ll have to overcome your inner introvert. It takes courage, even pain, to ask people about their feelings, to speak to them in a way that they are ready to open up.

And most of the time – as painful as it is to say – we don’t really care about those people. But this will change.
That’s the magic trick behind loving characters and people alike: The more you know them, the more you like them.

It can be anyone. You can start with friends and family, but try to move on to your bar tender, cashier, next door neighbor. As you get better, try to pick people completely different from you. How about the homeless person on the street corner? The old lady that always takes the bus with you?

The more you vary those people in age, gender, and silly quirks, the more you enrich your inner “library” of characters. You breathe life into them.

And you know what? Before you know it, you are not an introvert anymore. Sure, you will never stop loving the lonely and cosy place where your fingers hit the keypads. But writing is so much more then this.


“Life is all about people, story is all about character.”


Make character notes

While you apply those three steps, never forget to make notes. Either in your laptop or a notebook, make a habit to ALWAYS write down what you’ve seen and learned today. Create a character library. Otherwise, you’ll forget, especially when it comes to the little details.


Don’t be the convenient introvert

Now, you have a choice to make about what to do next.

The convenient reaction would be only to get to step 1. Maybe 2.
But make a decision today to get all the way down to 3.

It will get you out of your comfort zone, and for the most introverted writers (like me), it will hurt. But there is no gain without pain, right?

If you truly want to enrich your character writing skills, start your character library now. Start observing people closely, and start talking to them. You’ll see soon that caring about people and loving them will enrich both your personal life and your writing life.

After all, life is all about people. Story is all about character.


Start living your story now.




  1. Reply


    May 26, 2017

    Love this post! Thanks for the recommendations on what to read on characterization as that happens to be my weakness. !

    • Reply


      May 30, 2017

      Thanks a lot, it’s great to know that I can help! Those books are really amazing, they helped me a lot with my current novel 😉

  2. Reply


    October 14, 2017

    Just a little note I wanted to share in the hopes that it will help other writers. –>> I have followed your advice and purchased the book 45 master characters, which I received yesterday, and I must say that it is a gem!! I have already gotten so much out of it and I haven’t read everything yet. I am so thrilled about this book. I see I have naturally created my characters with one particular archetype, but now, with this book, I feel like I will have what it takes to ground them and deepen the story through their unique nature, motivations and fears. It is making the revision process so much more interesting!! Thanks for recommending it! 🙂

    • Reply

      Diana Wink

      October 14, 2017

      Thanks for the comment, Jennifer 🙂
      This has helped me so much in deepening my characters, and I’m glad you had the same experience. I had never thought before how great archetypes can be for characterization. All the best with your writing project!

  3. Reply

    Bill Cokas

    June 29, 2018

    I’m with you on #1 and #2 all the way, but you’re pushing your luck with #3! However, I swear by K.M. Weiland’s resources, ALL of them.

    • Reply

      Diana Wink

      June 30, 2018

      Yes, Katie’s resources are great!

      I do have to admit that #3 is a tough one. Every time I speak to strangers it costs me courage and stepping out of my comfort zone. But the things you learn can be amazing, exceeding your expectations and giving you so many new ideas!
      Diana Wink recently posted…#8 – The 3 keys to unforgettable charactersMy Profile


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