The 10 Commandments of the Couch-Potato Lord
Read the original post on the amazing Just How Cool Is That Blog.
Times are getting rough for us inner couch potatoes. We have to fight for our existence in an age of fitness, health coaching, and books of how to be prolific.
And while there have never been as many distractions as today, some people are beginning to wake up.
This is why I created this manual to ensure the survival of our kind. We have to be as cunning as ever, deceiving and misleading those creatives so that their disease won’t spread throughout the entire globe.
I’ve prepared 10 ways to trick creatives and practical advice to make them give in to you and become lazy again.
1. MAKE HIM NEGOTIATE
This one is a recipe against the routines. You see, once they succeed to establish a certain task over several months, it will become a habit which is so much harder to break. You have to act fast while they are still in the establishing phase.
Make him think about the task ahead, make it seem tedious and overwhelming. Persuasions like: “If I miss it once, it won’t make a difference.” are really powerful.
Tell him that he is working hard and has earned a break. Make him fall for empty negotiations, like: “I’ll do it tomorrow.”, “I’ll do something else instead.”, “I’ll make up for it next week.”
He has to think that his laziness is legitimate and believe that he will make up for it in an undefined time frame called “later”, which is likely never to happen.
2. HAVE A PHONE READY AT HER DESK AND TWITTER OPEN IN A TAB
The Internet is one of the most powerful tools we have. The secret behind it that it can be helpful and nourish their creativity, thus making it easy to deceive them if it’s not. Most of them are fed by the internet, so all we have to do is to provide another path that will lead them astray.
Make sure she takes her phone with her everywhere she goes. When she is at her creative task, it has to be within reach all the time.
If she is working on her laptop – all the better! Make sure that all kinds of social media are open in a tab, the more, the better. Let her scroll and skip instead of reading one helpful thing and implementing it. Make her save things for “later” instead (you see how powerful this “later” concept is).
3. KEEP HIS MIND DISTRACTED AT ALL TIMES
Distraction is a concept you’ll have to use non-stop. Make sure he never concentrates on a task for more than 5 minutes. Let several things compete for his attention simultaneously.
Once you destroy his ability to concentrate on one thing only, you’ve defeated a huge potential given to the artist. Anything can help here, the source does not matter: internet, emails, social media, the spouse or the kids, phone calls, messages, TV, blogs…
Make sure you bring in remorse and bad conscience, give him the feeling he has to manage everything and be everywhere at once, that he is neglecting important areas of his life.
“Multitasking” is a good lie we managed to implant into their brains some decades ago. Work with that.
4. HAVE HER PHONE AT HER BEDSIDE, READY TO THROW HER OFF GUARD
Make sure she starts her mornings by checking emails, messages and social media. This will rob a huge amount of creative potential.
Use lies like: “I need it to get up in the morning.”
If you can make sure she stays in bed longer while plunging into the loop of social media, half of your work for the day is done already.
5. LET HIM COMPARE HIMSELF TO EVERYONE ELSE
Comparisonitis is a disease that social media helps feed in their hearts.
Fuel it. Make him think that no effort will ever take him where those “influencers” are. That their lives are unreachable, like winning a lottery.
Make him feel bad about himself to an extent that will prompt him to give up, at least for the day. Make sure you let him linger on those sites that are so far away from his current situation that a bridge would be impossible, and stay away from those he could perceive as “realistic”.
6. MAKE HER BELIEVE THAT SHE NEEDS MORE TOOLS AND MORE COURSES
Another way to turn around consumerism and make sure they never really produce something of their own – but without the side effects of the TV or social media that makes them feel guilty instantly – are courses or tools in their niche.
Make her think that there is always another course she can take and another tool she needs to buy before she can actually start DOING and producing something.
Nothing keeps them working towards a dead-end as seemingly urgent tasks.
Make sure that there are lots of them, and that they always seem important, purporting to keep them busy and “working” while they are truly only satisfying immediate needs.
If there are lots of them, bombarding him all at the same time, he will be stressed out quickly and you’ll find him sitting on the couch again.
8. MAKE HER BELIEVE THAT EFFORT IS “USELESS” IF SUCCESS DOESN’T COME STRAIGHT AWAY
Make short-sightedness play to your advantage, always keeping her impatient and unsatisfied. If a goal is not reached within weeks or months, she will be discouraged automatically.
Feed this disappointment, whispering in her ear that success will never be hers.
Pay attention that she never falls in love with the process! This is the worst kind of evil you can encounter.
9. CUT HIM OFF FROM ANY POSITIVE COMMUNITY AND SEND SOME RELATIVES WHO WILL NAG AT HIM
The people around him are key to success or failure.
Cut him off from any positive community and any peers in his niche. Make sure he never encounters those who are only several steps ahead of him – those are the worst kind.
Instead, send him some friends or relatives with a narrow world view, who will criticize and discourage his creative efforts. If those are people important to him, this will be even more powerful.
10. MAKE HER SETTLE FOR THE CONVENIENT LIFE
Convenience can become addictive, and this is where you want to get her to. She gives up once, she settles for the comfortable solution twice, and she will become addictive to the feeling of relief it gives her.
The further away you get her from this creative muse and the urge to do something meaningful with her life, the easier it will become.
“Everybody does it.” and “This is just how life works.” are impactful with the combination of the people who settle for convenience in her surroundings.
Take those 10 principles seriously.
They have been proven to be very effective, especially in combination.
Our existence is dependent on your effort, so never give up!
Make use of them wisely and cunningly.
The Couch-Potato Lord
Join the discussion & let me know if you have ever fallen victim to the evil techniques of the Couch-Potato Lord.